"In Lieu of Flowers" Wording: 35+ Examples for Obituaries, Cards & Funeral Programs

When a family chooses to direct sympathy toward a cause rather than flowers, the hardest part is often finding the right words. Words that feel personal and gracious, not transactional. Words that honor the person and invite others in, rather than just posting a rule.

"In lieu of" simply means "instead of." But in practice, most families aren't forbidding flowers — they're extending an invitation to honor their person in a different way. Whether you're asking for donations to a named charity, establishing a scholarship, helping with funeral expenses, planting a tree, or simply leaving the choice open, this guide has 35+ ready-to-use phrases organized by purpose, plus a short etiquette section for those on the receiving end of the request.

If you're navigating the broader task of writing sympathy messages, our articles on what to write in a sympathy card and how to write a condolence letter cover the full picture alongside this guide.

Why Families Choose "In Lieu of Flowers"

There are many practical and personal reasons a family might redirect sympathy expressions toward a cause. At a cremation, flowers often go to waste — there may be no graveside or funeral home receiving them, and the family may not have space or the emotional bandwidth to manage large floral arrangements during a deeply difficult time. Families with strong charitable commitments may feel that a gift to a cause their loved one cared about is simply more meaningful than a bouquet that will fade in a week.

Sometimes the reason is financial. Funeral expenses can fall on families unexpectedly, and there's nothing undignified about asking for help with those costs. And sometimes — particularly when the person died from a specific illness or championed a specific cause — there's an organization that would genuinely benefit from the community's generosity, and this is the family's chance to point people there.

None of these choices require justification. But people receiving the request often want to understand the spirit behind it, which is why some families add a brief sentence of context to their wording. "In honor of [Name]'s lifelong commitment to environmental causes" does more than just direct a donation — it tells people something true about the person they're honoring.

A note on etiquette from the Emily Post Institute: when an obituary says "in lieu of flowers," you may still send flowers in addition — but if you're choosing one gesture, follow the family's stated preference. Sending flowers when a family has specifically asked for donations isn't rude, but it signals that you prioritized your own familiar gesture over their request.

Before You Choose the Wording — Practical Checklist

Decide on the Cause or Recipient First

The wording becomes much easier once you know what you're asking for. Common options include: a specific named charity; a general category ("a charity of your choosing in [Name]'s memory"); a scholarship fund you're in the process of establishing; a funeral expense fund via GoFundMe or a similar platform; a tree-planting service; or donations directed to the family directly. Each of these calls for slightly different language.

If you're setting up a memorial scholarship fund, note that it takes time to establish formally through a school or foundation — and it's perfectly acceptable to say in the obituary that details will follow. Don't let uncertainty about logistics delay the obituary.

Provide Complete Information

The more specific the wording, the higher the response rate. Vague requests — "any charity" — get far lower response than specific ones with a clear destination. Where possible, include the charity's full name, a direct URL or mailing address, and instructions for designating the gift ("please note 'in memory of [Name]' on your donation"). Most reputable charities will acknowledge the gift to the family — confirm this is set up when you contact them.

Where the Wording Appears

The same essential message will appear in several places: the printed and online obituary, the funeral program, any memorial cards, and sometimes a separate handout at the service. The core wording can be consistent across all of these, but length and format will vary. Funeral programs and memorial cards have tight character limits — the short-form examples later in this guide are designed for those formats.

35+ Wording Examples

These examples are organized by situation. Use them as templates — replace bracketed placeholders with your specific details. Each can be abbreviated for a funeral program or expanded for a longer obituary listing. The tone ranges from formal to warm; choose what fits your family and the person you're honoring.

For Donations to a Named Charity

These examples work when you have a specific organization in mind and want to direct donations clearly.

  • "The family requests that, in lieu of flowers, donations be made to [Charity Name] at [URL/address] in memory of [Name]."
  • "In remembrance of [Name], the family asks that any memorial tributes take the form of charitable donations to [Charity Name]. Gifts may be made online at [URL] or by mail to [address]. Please note 'In memory of [Name]' on your donation."
  • "It was [Name]'s wish that any expressions of sympathy support [Charity Name], a cause close to her heart. Donations can be made at [URL]."
  • "Those who knew [Name] know how deeply she cared about [cause]. In her memory, please consider a gift to [Charity Name]."
  • "In lieu of flowers, please honor [Name] with a donation to [Charity Name] — an organization he supported throughout his life."
  • "Memorial contributions to [Charity Name] are gratefully welcomed in [Name]'s memory. To give, visit [URL] or send a check to [address]."
  • "The family kindly requests donations to [Charity Name] in place of flowers. Your generosity continues [Name]'s legacy of giving."
  • "In memory of [Name], gifts may be made to [Charity Name] ([URL]). Your contribution will be acknowledged to the family."

For a General Charity (Donor's Choice)

Use these when the family hasn't identified a specific organization, or when they want to invite donors to give to a cause personally meaningful to them.

  • "In lieu of flowers, the family invites friends to donate to a charitable cause that was meaningful to you both."
  • "In lieu of flowers, please consider a donation to your favorite charity in [Name]'s honor."
  • "Memorial contributions to a cause meaningful to you are welcome in memory of [Name]."
  • "The family asks that those who wish to honor [Name] do so through a contribution to a charity of their choice, in her memory."

For a Memorial Scholarship Fund

These examples cover both the case where the fund is already established and where it's being set up in the days or weeks following the death.

  • "A scholarship fund has been established in [Name]'s memory at [Institution]. Donations may be directed to [Institution Name], attention: [Name] Memorial Scholarship Fund, [address]."
  • "In lieu of flowers, the family is establishing the [Name] Memorial Scholarship at [School/Organization]. Details will be shared in the coming weeks. Those wishing to contribute may contact [email/address]."
  • "In honor of [Name]'s lifelong commitment to education, the family requests donations to the [Name] Scholarship Fund at [University] in place of flowers."
  • "Memorial contributions to the [Name] Scholarship Fund — supporting [students/field] at [Institution] — are gratefully received."
  • "Please consider a gift to the [Name] Memorial Scholarship ([URL]) in lieu of flowers. [Name] believed deeply in [cause/education], and your donation carries that belief forward."

For Funeral Expense Assistance

Families needing help with unexpected costs deserve wording that asks clearly and with dignity. There's nothing to be ashamed of here — being direct respects both the family and the donors.

  • "The family requests that those wishing to express sympathy direct any memorial contributions to [Name]'s funeral fund to assist with expenses. Gifts may be made via [GoFundMe link/address]."
  • "In lieu of flowers, contributions to assist the family with unexpected funeral expenses are deeply appreciated and can be made at [link]."
  • "Memorial donations to assist the family with [Name]'s final expenses may be made through [payment link]. Your generosity during this difficult time means more than we can express."
  • "The [Family Name] family gratefully accepts memorial contributions in [Name]'s honor to help with funeral costs. Your kindness means everything."

For Tree Planting or Environmental Tributes

A growing number of families choose living tributes that reflect a loved one's connection to the natural world. Planting a memorial tree has become one of the most popular alternative tribute options, particularly when the person being honored had strong environmental values or a deep love of the outdoors.

  • "In lieu of flowers, the family invites friends to plant a tree in [Name]'s memory through [Arbor Day Foundation / National Forest Foundation / local tree service] at [URL]."
  • "In honor of [Name]'s love of the outdoors, please consider planting a memorial tree at [URL] rather than sending flowers."
  • "Instead of flowers, a donation to [Tree-Planting Organization] in [Name]'s memory will help restore a forest she loved."
  • "In memory of [Name], the family asks that any tributes take the form of a planted tree or gift to [Environmental Organization] at [URL]."

Hybrid Wording — "Flowers Welcome Too"

Many families want to direct sympathy toward a cause without discouraging flowers entirely. These examples invite both.

  • "Flowers and memorial contributions to [Charity Name] are equally welcome."
  • "The family welcomes flowers, cards, and memorial donations to [Charity Name] — all expressions of sympathy are gratefully received."
  • "If you wish to honor [Name] with flowers, please do. If you prefer a memorial gift, donations to [Charity Name] are also welcomed with gratitude."
  • "Floral tributes are welcome. For those who prefer, memorial contributions to [Charity Name] may be made in [Name]'s honor."
  • "The family accepts all expressions of sympathy — flowers, cards, or a memorial donation to [Charity Name] at [URL]."

Short-Form Wording for Funeral Programs and Memorial Cards

Space is tight on printed programs and memorial cards. These examples are designed for two to three lines maximum.

  • "In lieu of flowers: donations to [Charity] at [URL]"
  • "Memorial gifts to [Charity Name] welcome in [Name]'s honor."
  • "In memory of [Name] — donate to [Charity] at [URL] in his name."
  • "Flowers welcome; memorial donations to [Charity] also gratefully accepted."
  • "Please consider a donation to [Charity] instead of flowers."

Etiquette for Those Receiving the Request

Should You Send Flowers Anyway?

Sending flowers in addition to a donation is not rude — especially if flowers carry deep cultural or personal significance for you. According to the Emily Post Institute, if you can do only one gesture, follow the family's stated preference. If you send both flowers and a donation, note the donation in your sympathy card so the family knows the tribute was intentional. Most people on the receiving end of flowers will appreciate them regardless of what the obituary requested; the request is an invitation, not a prohibition.

How Much to Give

A memorial donation should be at least what you'd have spent on a floral arrangement — typically $25 to $100 for most donors. Don't pressure yourself around a specific figure. A donation of any amount, paired with a thoughtful note, is meaningful. The gesture matters more than the dollar amount.

If cost is a genuine concern, there are other ways to honor the request: sympathy gifts instead of flowers can include a meal for the family, a handwritten note, or an offer of practical help — none of which require a donation.

How to Notify the Family

When you donate, notify the family separately rather than sharing the donation amount. A simple line in your sympathy card — "A memorial donation has been made to [Charity] in [Name]'s honor" — is both clear and respectful. Most charities also send an acknowledgment card directly to the family if you provide their address on the donation form; confirm this option when donating. Do not share the donation amount in your message to the family; that information is private.

When the Obituary Doesn't List a Charity

If no organization is named — or if you want to give something more personal — consider choosing a charity connected to the person's life: the illness they faced, a cause they championed, their community. A quick call or note to a close family member asking if there's a preference is always appropriate. If you want to send something tangible rather than a donation, a meal, a personal note, or another gift made in memory of a loved one is equally welcome.

A Few Words on Tone and Timing

One thing families sometimes overlook is when to include the "in lieu of flowers" language and how to frame it. In an obituary or death notice, the standard place is near the end, following the list of surviving family members. It can be set off with a line break or a brief introductory phrase like "The family requests..." or "In lieu of flowers..." Keep it brief and gracious rather than lengthy or explanatory. The full context — why this cause, what the person believed, what the charity does — is better suited to a tribute site or a note at the memorial service than a paid newspaper death notice.

Timing matters too. If you're establishing a memorial fund or scholarship and the details aren't yet finalized, it's perfectly acceptable to say so in the obituary and ask interested donors to contact the family. "A scholarship is being established in [Name]'s memory; details will follow" is clearer and more inviting than nothing at all, and it buys you the time to get the logistics right without delaying the notice.

For families who want to include memorial donation information on a tribute website or online obituary, most platforms (Legacy.com, Echovita, and others) have built-in fields for charity information that make donations easier for donors to complete. Use these features if they're available — removing friction from the donation process meaningfully increases the response rate.

For Families: Managing Donations After the Service

If you've asked for memorial donations, designate one family member to serve as the point of contact — tracking what's come in, writing acknowledgment notes, and coordinating with the charity. This task is easier if you set it up in advance: contact the charity before the death notice goes out to verify they can receive memorial donations, confirm their process for acknowledging gifts to the family, and ask how they prefer to receive a list of donors for their records.

Many online donation platforms — GoFundMe, the charity's own portal, Mightycause — generate automatic notifications when gifts are made. Verify this is set up correctly before the obituary publishes so you don't miss donations coming in.

Acknowledge every donation with a personal thank-you note, even a brief one. Families are not obligated to report total amounts raised. But if your community came together in meaningful numbers, sharing a note later — "your gifts funded a full scholarship" or "donations in [Name]'s memory totaled [amount] for [cause]" — is a generous and moving gesture for those who gave.

Sources

Emily Post Institute. "Funeral Etiquette: Donations In Lieu of Flowers." emilypost.com. https://emilypost.com/advice/funeral-etiquette-donations-in-lieu-of-flowers
LoveToKnow. "Understanding 'In Lieu of Flowers': Alternative Memorial Wording Ideas & Etiquette." lovetoknow.com. https://www.lovetoknow.com/life/grief-loss/lieu-flowers-wording-ideas-etiquette
Everloved. "How to Request Donations in Lieu of Flowers." everloved.com. https://everloved.com/articles/funeral-planning/how-to-request-donations-in-lieu-of-flowers/
Funeral.com. "'In Lieu of Flowers': How Memorial Donations Work and What to Write in the Card." January 2026. funeral.com. https://funeral.com/blogs/the-journal/in-lieu-of-flowers-how-memorial-donations-work-and-what-to-write-in-the-card

Frequently Asked Questions

What does "in lieu of flowers" mean?

"In lieu of flowers" means "instead of flowers" — it is a phrase families use in obituaries, funeral programs, and memorial cards to redirect sympathy gestures toward a charitable donation, scholarship fund, expense assistance, or other meaningful tribute. Importantly, it is usually an invitation rather than a prohibition: most families are not forbidding flowers but extending an alternative option that honors who their person was or supports a cause they cared about.

How much should I donate when an obituary requests a memorial gift?

A memorial donation should be at least what you would have spent on a floral arrangement. Most donors give between $25 and $100, per standard etiquette guidance from sources including Everloved and the Emily Post Institute. The gesture matters more than the amount — a modest donation accompanied by a sincere sympathy note is more meaningful than an expensive donation with no personal acknowledgment. There is no required minimum.

How do I notify the family that I made a memorial donation?

Write a brief note in your sympathy card stating that a donation has been made in the deceased's name — for example: "A memorial donation has been made to [Charity] in [Name]'s honor." You do not need to share the amount. Most charities also send a separate acknowledgment card to the family. When donating online, check the donation form for an option to notify the family directly. This dual notification ensures the family knows their request was honored.

Is it rude to ask for donations instead of flowers at a funeral?

No — requesting memorial donations in lieu of flowers is widely accepted and increasingly common. Flowers fade within days, while a charitable gift can have lasting impact in a person's name. Most guests appreciate clear guidance. Phrasing the request warmly — "In celebration of [Name]'s lifelong love of wildlife, the family welcomes donations to..." — frames it as a tribute rather than a directive and is well-received by nearly all attendees.

Can we use "in lieu of flowers" wording if we also want to accept flowers?

Yes. A hybrid approach works well and is increasingly common. Phrasing like "Flowers and memorial contributions to [Charity] are equally welcome" or "Floral tributes are welcome; for those who prefer, memorial donations to [Charity] are also gratefully accepted" signals openness to both gestures. This removes the implied prohibition of standard "in lieu of" language while still inviting donations. It works particularly well when the family has mixed preferences or expects guests from diverse backgrounds.

What should an obituary include so donors know where and how to give?

For the highest response rate, include the full name of the charity or fund, a direct URL or mailing address, and instructions for how to designate the gift (e.g., "please note 'In memory of [Name]' on your donation"). Vague requests like "a charity of your choosing" generate lower response than specific ones. If the fund is being established after the death, note that details will follow and provide a contact email. The more complete the information, the easier it is for donors to act immediately.